On Teddy Pendergrass

Theodore DeReese Pendergrass, Sr.

I couldn’t believe it when I heard. I just want to take some time out and show some love and remembrance to one of the kings of R&B. Now if you know me, you know that my absolute favorite genre of music is Old School R&B a.k.a. Rhythm and Blues from the 1970’s and 1980’s (Yes, the 1980’s quantify as Old School now). And in my humble opinion, there are 5 Kings of Old School R&B, the Fabulous 5 if you will; Barry White, Luther Vandross, Stevie Wonder, Marvin Gaye and Teddy Pendergrass…You cannot contest those names…older heads may say Smokey Robinson, others may ask why isn’t a Temptation on the list…Doesn’t matter. Those 5, with the exception of Stevie, made panties melt. Stevie made you fall in love, as the other 4 did as well. But Stevie wasn’t about the draws—as much. But those 5 are responsible for the making of more babies than many will admit. Teddy P was responsible for a lot of the babies made, affairs had, honeymoons and much, much more.

Now let me say a word on Teddy P. Teddy Pendergrass was the man. He was originally hired to Harold Melvin’s group as a replacement drummer. He later became the lead singer. The name of the band was Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes…but Teddy Pendergrass was asked by Harold Melvin himself to be the lead singer…that is how bad this man was. He later went solo, and he had too. Harold Melvin couldn’t hold him. Usher started having concerts with women only; Teddy Pendergrass was the originator. He had numerous Ladies only concert tours where no men were allowed in the building. If a man was found, he was promptly escorted out. Panties thrown on the stage…women fainting like the chick on the Five Heartbeats when Eddie Kane kissed her… women on the stage…Teddy with hair on his chest and women liked it – and most women hate hair on the chest of a man today. Teddy was the truth. This man made countless hits under the Sound of Philadelphia umbrella—Philadelphia International Records, with legends Kenny Gamble and Camden’s own Leon Huff. With a stable that included the O’Jays, The Stylistics, Patti LaBelle and The Spinners, and Phyllis Hyman, Teddy P. was ruler. At the age of 31, at the prime of his career, he became paralyzed from the waist down due to a car accident in the Germantown section of Philly. Yesterday he lost his battle with colon cancer. I’ve seen how tough that fight can be, I lost my grandmother to the same disease. Teddy was only 59.

Now let me get on my soapbox. You got these young cats making these sex songs…I invented sex, I reinvented sex, lick you like a lollypop—shorty wanna thug…they might as well ask, “Would you like to engage in intercourse?” These cats, they need to learn a thing or two from Teddy. Now at the award shows, when someone from the Old School is honored, all these young cats wanna run up on stage and say that the Old School artists was their inspiration and they aspire to reach that level of music…B U L L S H I T. They are liars and the truth is not in them. First of all, many of them cannot sing. Second, they don’t know how to manipulate their voice to make them sound even sexier than they claim to be. See, the thing about Teddy was that while his songs were very erotic and sexual, he used the raw power and emotion in his voice to make them that sound that way. The words themselves didn’t necessarily translate into sex. It was how the words were delivered. Example – Turn off the lights, light a candle, tonight I am in a romantic mood, let’s take a shower, a shower together, I’ll wash your body and you wash mine, rub me down in some hot oils babe and I’ll do the same thing to you – that isn’t even sexual per se…all those things would qualify as being romantic, and he even says in the song that he is in a romantic mood. Those words don’t have the hint of sex…it’s all fourplay – which is what women want and why Teddy had the panties melting. And the way that he said those words, the power and the strength…that is what made the words sexual.

The art of wooing women isn’t just saying all the right things, but it’s knowing exactly what to do, how to do it and how to say it. See, Teddy does two things in his songs…1) he’s telling women what they want to hear, so that even if she is making love to a man and he hasn’t or is unwilling to do those things, her imagination is enough to make her reach her climax without his help and 2) he’s telling men what to do to get the draws. Trey Songs, Usher…they might as well say, “Ima beat it up til your feet turn red and break off.” They might as well…hell, you got Drake, 50 cent and Lil Wayne basically saying, “Girl, Ima fuck ya.” That’s all we got; and these young girls running around here like groupies over these cats. You got 2 muscles on your chest and you think you can take your shirt off, sing a song and think you’re the man? “Have a baby by me baby, be a millionaire?” Are you serious? That aint sexy. You’re not getting any action with that wack ass train-of-thought. Let me break this down.

Cats like Teddy P understood that a woman wants to be chased, she wants to be wooed, she wants to be enjoyed and she wants to be appreciated. The ultimate expression of all these things is shown in a man’s ability to take his time, give his effort and romanticize her in such a way that she wouldn’t dare imagine being anywhere else but with that guy she’s with. Teddy also understood that sex for a woman is different than sex for a man, or at least he knew how to pretend. Men are attracted by what they see. Women are attracted by what they feel. In order for a man to have an orgasm, all he needs to know is that he is having sex with a physically attractive female…that or alcohol because liquor will trick you into thinking that she’s physically attractive. But a women needs to work her way to that orgasm. It takes time. Men, don’t think that when you put it in that she’s gonna explode…not likely. If she does explode, it is because she has had sex with you on her mind all day or all week…or even longer than that. Her imagination can lead her to an instant orgasm. But generally, that doesn’t even happen. You’ve got to take your time and allow for her to enjoy herself. Teddy got that. Many of us are still trying to figure that out. We can all still learn from Teddy’s music.

And after his accident, he didn’t roll over and die. He wasn’t the same man, but he reinvented himself. He spoke around the country, raised money for disabled people and he took charge of his life. Teddy was a role model for never giving up, no matter the circumstances. He was one of a kind, a musical talent and a voice that will be missed. Prayers go out to this man’s family and my prayer is that all was well with his soul’s salvation. As we focus on Haiti, and rightfully so, let’s take a moment and remember Teddy P. This man is Philadelphia’s own. More importantly, remember the talent and body of work, because music and talent like Teddy’s won’t be around much long if music keeps going the way it’s going. Of the 5 Kings, only Stevie Wonder is left. Let us appreciate him, as we should have appreciated Mr. Pendergrass.

On My Birthday

The older that I get, the more I look back on my life and appreciate my childhood. When I was a teenager, I absolutely hated my childhood; I thought that my parents were too overbearing. As I approach another birthday in the coming days, I realize that those “awkward” years of 15, 16, and 17 were misguided ones as well. When I look back now, I appreciate those days. When I came home from school, there was usually food in the house, I could put my book-bag down, turn on the TV or radio and chill out for a few hours before my parents got off of work. Usually, someone cooked or treated to dinner. There were no bills…no responsibility…no pressure. Now, when I go home, I am leaving from a job; there are bills to pay, adult stressors…I care about the economy now and I’d rather go to work than stay at home due to a snow storm, because I am not beat for doing all of the shoveling. Yes people, I have become an adult and it sucks as much as it is fun. If I could choose a time in my life when life was perfect, it would be when I was 17… I had a car, it was senior year; I was going to college the next year…no job, no bills, no problem. I was spoiled, I had my family, my friends and life was indeed easy. Now, I look forward to going to sleep at night in a soft bed after a hot shower. This is not to say that my life now sucks complete, because it doesn’t. It’s just that these days, filled with responsibility and independence, help me appreciate those childhood years. And for me, many of the more special memories of my youth contain one of most influential people on my life, my grandmother, Rubie Lee Miller.

Whenever people say that they have the best mom, dad or whoever in the world, truly, we understand that these people are biased when they say these things. You can never really take them seriously. And so, I will join absurd tradition of saying these things of someone that you may be fond of. I had, the greatest two grandmothers any kid could ever have. One of those women was my Grandmom Rubie. When I was in grade school, she’d pick me up every day and take me to her house, where there was cooked food waiting for me as I entered the door. I would change my clothes after I ate and get a fruit snack, take my book-bag downstairs and do my homework in the basement…Once she realized that I wasn’t getting any work done, she made me do it at the dining room table. 2819 Thompson Street in East Camden…that’s was the classroom – where I learned how to play basketball on the street with the crate nailed to the telephone poll with a small ball…its where I fell in love with two hand touch…That’s where I first met the hood…It’s where I learned about who I was…Her house is still a monument to me. When I make Kool-Aid, I mix the flavors…Grandmom Rubie would take Kool-Aid and mix it with Sunny Delight and it was the best juice ever…she’d let me mix it with Dr. Pepper or RC Cola…ugh…that was good right there. At the age of 10, I would listen to KYW news radio 1060…Grandmom Rubie would have the old radio turned onto KYW in the kitchen and listen true to the slogan says, “2, 3, or 4 times a day.” She is why I listen to KYW to this day.

In the summers, it wasn’t until early adolescence that I started going to summer camp. Before that, I’d be at Grandmom Rubie’s every day. She would go outside and sweep the driveway, and I would pick a broom and go right out there and help. She’d pull up the weeds out side and plant her flowers and I’d ask her why. We would sit at the kitchen table and talk about the weather and how she didn’t want to go out because of her arthritis and I would talk the same way; I was only 9. I remember when my dad beat my ass for having a temper tantrum over there with my Grandmom…I remember watching the OJ trial with her…And I remember when my cousins would come up from Tallahassee to visit in the summer…and it was the 3 of us with Grandmom…ah the memories. When I got older and I started driving, whenever my mom was too tired to cook, Grandmom always had something cooking…chicken or fish…something. And she could cook. She was from Down South…Georgia – Attapulgus or Bainbridge I am not sure, but one of the two. Ima say Attapulgus because that is where her mother lived before she moved up to Jersey to live with Grandmom.

I remember when her mother, my great grandmother died in 1993. We traveled to Georgia for the funeral. It was my first trip. I loved it. And I loved it because Grandmom Rubie always talked about “Down South” like it was a magical place. My mom said to me that Attapulgus looked like a scene from Roots, but to my 10 year old mind, it was awesome. I know my family history and origins dating back to the Civil War thanks to my Grandmom. Most Black folks can’t go back that far in their family history. I can rattle off names that most in my family cannot, thanks to her. Our history is rich and I am thankful to her that I can tell my kids the stories of their people. She use to not only cook, but she’d bake as well. She use to make cakes and such for my Grandpop but she had to stop because he had diabetes. When he died, she started making little cakes for my Uncle and my cousins and I remember asking her why hadn’t she made such things before? After a while, she’d bake and I was the only one eating. She then said to me, “I’ve got something special for you.” And that is when I was introduced to the sweetest thing that I have ever had in my entire life…Jelly Cake. She would make a 2 layer 8 inch round Jelly Cake only a few times a year…birthdays, summers or for the fall…and every time she did, I destroyed the cake. It tasted just divine. I use to share it…then I stopped sharing and got selfish; I would eat it in like 3 days. She’d be so tickled when I told her.

Every guy has that one girl that turns them out…Whipped is the term most fellas use to describe it. Well, when I was 19, I was indeed that. My ex-girlfriend had a hold on me for like a year and a half. Well, it was so bad that I was beefing with my parents and so I “moved out.” I really just left for a week. And I was over my ex’s house and I remember that my cousin was telling me that Grandmom was sick and that I ought to try and work things out with my parents because she was worried. My cousin told me that she had cancer. I called Grandmom and she told me about it but she reassured me that they caught it and she would be fine; out of sight, out of mind for me. I worked things out with my parents and ate the humble pie and I “moved” back in, but Grandmom got progressively worse as time went on. I watched her have good days and bad ones, but we were all optimistic, at least I was. I would always try to visit Grandmom as frequent as possible when she was healthy. We talk about school, life, family Down South – Cousin John, Grandmom Lottie…we’d talk about the weather, and anything else going on – Cousin Theo and his crazy situations, the kids in the neighborhood…we talked about it all. As she got worse, those visits dramatically increased. They got longer too. Sometimes we’d talk, other times we’d watch an oldie on TV Land and we’d laugh.

Sometimes in life, we foresee things and I foresaw that we wouldn’t have Grandmom around much longer, so I pretended to have an assignment for my African American Culture class, which was compiling family history as far back as we could. I did that so that I could ask my grandmother to tell me the entire family lineage without having to seem like I was doing with her death in mind. She obliged. We were in her bedroom and she sat up, and went to work…Cancer never took her mind. She was still as sharp as ever.

Seven years ago, January 10, 2003, I turned 20. I woke up from sleep and I saw my birthday card and a note on my bed from my mom. I remember the sticky note, it said, “Happy birthday, although I know it’s not a happy one.” That day is still vivid to me still. It was a Friday. Grandmom had came home from Cooper Hospital on Thursday. My Aunt came up the Saturday before to stay with my Grandmom. That Sunday night, Grandmom was rushed to the hospital. It didn’t look good at all. I remember visiting her on Tuesday. I went into her room and said my usual, “hey Grandmom” to her while trying to stay strong and she couldn’t talk; she had stuff in her mouth, but she mumble as best as she could, “hey Keem” and she smiled at me and lifted her hand. I felt so horrible. I was glad to see that she was awake and aware, but I hated to see her like that. That evening, after spending the day with her and my Aunt, Grandmom slipped into a coma I believe. That Tuesday was the last day I ever spoke to her and that she spoke to me. Back to Thursday and Friday, the whole family was at the house for those two days. Despite the circumstances, it was nice to be with family, as crazy as some of them were. I remember Friday; I was sitting in my Grandmom’s bedroom. I was at her bedside as she transitioned from this life to eternity. The hospice nurse told my aunt earlier in the day that she would pass later in the day. She cunningly said it so I wouldn’t hear although I was in the room. With a family friend and many female members of the family, we sat there to watch her last breath. Grandmom Rubie went home to be with the Lord at 7:47pm, January 10, 2003. Like we did with my Grandpop, we had two funerals for Grandmom: one in Camden and one Down South. My father and his siblings took the death hard, although they tried to front. Me, well, it hadn’t sunk in yet. Everything was still somewhat tangible; her home, her items, the scent of her bedroom, her kitchen, her car was still outside. It wasn’t until shortly after her Georgia funeral when I came face to face with the understanding that my Grandmom was gone.

It was the day of the NFC Championship – Eagles v. Buccaneers – That was the infamous game where Ja Rule and Ashanti were booed at halftime for that sorry excuse for music that could only be quantified as noise, but I digress. I was a bit annoyed because I was missing the game. I was trying to find a seat back at somebody’s house…we were back and forth between 3 houses that day…Negroes everywhere. Anyway, I went to my Aunt Eula’s house to get something to eat. All that moving and walking made me hungry. After I ate, I saw some Jelly Cake. For the first time that day, I smiled. I reasoned that this would cheer me up. I was wrong. I sat down with my piece and awaited the magic to follow. I ate the cake, and it was good, but it was not my Jelly Cake from Grandmom Rubie. It was at that moment that I knew that she was gone. I smiled and wiped the tears from my eyes. I put the cake down and walked away.

Some people thought that it was sad that my grandmother died on my birthday. I didn’t. I was honored that her last day on this side was on my day. My Grandmother represents the very best of what humanity can be. She was sweet, kind, giving, loving and she didn’t take and shit from anyone. She was a woman of faith and quiet strength. So much of me is because of her. Much of the very best of me is because of her. I wish that she was still here. I think of her often. And as I tear up while writing this, I reflect and I thank God for choosing me to be a grandchild to such a wonderful woman. I love her dearly. I miss her terribly. As I grow another year older, I think of her on our day; the day I entered this world and the day she departed from it. And sometimes, I let myself go back to 2819 Thompson Street, share a laugh and a conversation with her spirit; as I hope to continue to do so, until I join her on the other side.

Damn, Damn, Damn!!!

It was only a matter of time.
If there is anything that could interrupt my ridiculous schedule at work it would be this man…

Eldrick Tont Woods

There are a number of thoughts running through my mind. First, I am sure you all are wondering why Tiger isn’t in the Superstar Negroes Under Arrest section. Well, that’s because Tiger Woods is no Negro. Tiger Woods is a White man in disguise. Next, I will only make two points about this story, well, maybe three.
The first point is that now the wives of golfers must be weary of their husbands cheating…no longer are just the football, basketball and baseball players alone…your husband in Augusta for the Masters, you best make that 10pm call to make sure his ass is in bed and not getting dressed for that Masters after party that Arnold Palmer is throwing with the playmates from 1960 along…Heff will be there and he’ll have the young girls for Tiger, Phil, Sergio, Ernie Els and VJ Singh.
Now, I don’t condone by no means cheating on your wife. I am a married man myself. But cheating is not why this Oreo Negro is under arrest. No, Tiger is under arrest because he’s a dummy and a punk. And here is why. His a donkey because unlike the many other athletes who have “did their thing,” they at least bought some time because they gave the girls hush money. Tiger Woods, the billion dollar athlete wouldn’t give them White women hush money. And see, your gonna cheat on your wife, especially with a White woman, you best give up some hush money. Shaq cheated on his wife with Superhead…he gave her money and paid some rent, gave her clothes and all that…Tiger wouldn’t get away with that. Na, he needed to give up some H U S H M O N E Y… At least enough hush money that would have prevented him from sounding like a punk…Hence the voice mail message recording that I conveniently made available for you all to listen to on this medium.
Now I know you all might be thinking…how racist a thing to say, how stereotypical…that a White women require more money than a Black woman if you are cheating with one. Very true. A white woman is like a fire alarm that is one yell away from getting the attention of the fire company and police, if you’re a Black man. One false move, piss them off at the wrong time, and you’re done. Piss a Black woman off, she’ll get her brothers to beat you up, key your car and bust the windows out of it…maybe even burn your house down, ala Left eye and Andre Rison. A White woman…she’ll call the cops and say you’ve raped her after you’ve just made passionate love…ask Kobe Bryant. So you need to be giving that woman enough money to keep her happy. If you don’t like that, you shouldn’t have cheated. Certainly, Tiger didn’t do the job the way the pros do. He’s certainly not a “playa playa…from the Himalayas.” But he is a punk ass. All that money and power…Tiger, you couldn’t keep those Ho’s in check? Damn Tiger, smack them in the mouth or something, threaten they life, pay their bosses to have them fired.
Tiger…stupid and a punk. How, better yet why would you have your voice on this chicks phone? Why are you texting from your own phone? You have your mans get a phone in his name and use his, and you never, ever call and talk…you text on a phone without your name. My goodness. And when the wife finds out, don’t call the jumpoff and sound like a bitch…”oh, oh please, please take your name off your phone, my wife maybe calling.” You sound like a bitch Tiger. Man up. And then, you have the audacity to tell us that you got in a car accident in front of your crib at 2:30am…really?
Clearly Tiger, we’ve learned a few things from this experience huh? 1. You are a piss poor lier, 2. You strike no fear in your numerous jumpoffs, and 3. You don’t cheat very often…you’ve probably rarely cheated…but you’re horrible at it. So you should probably retire from cheating and focus on golf and fixing your marriage. But please, whatever you do, don’t come back to Black because we don’t want you. Please…just don’t. OJ, Dr. J, Bill Cosby, MJ…they all come back when they need us. Tiger, you never wanted us…we don’t want you. Don’t call Al or Jesse…run to Rush or Glenn Beck. If nothing else people, let this situation prepare for the mother of all scandals that is awaiting its moment involving…

Mr. Obama

more about “Damn, Damn, Damn!!!“, posted with vodpod

 

Hey Lebron…You’re Wrong.

Well, I am back, trying to do what I do best, express my opinion through writing. Things have been so busy but in the monotony of busyness of life, I happened to catch the infamous Dwayne Wade dunk game where he dunked all over Anderson Verajou. In the middle of all of that, Lebron James got caught up in the moment of playing basketball in front of Michael Jordan and decided on national television that he wanted to change his jersey number because he felt that no one should ever wear the number 23 ever again and that the NBA should consider retiring MJ’s number around the entire NBA. Lebron said that MJ “paved the way for all who came after him.” I am sorry Lebron, what way did Michael Jordan pave? What hills did MJ climb and what obstacles did MJ overcome…in comparison to those who came before him? And then “the King” announced that he’s wear #6…The number of the pre-MJ, Julius “The Doctor” Erving and the true way paver, Bill Russell.

My comments have less to do with MJ and more to do with Lebron. Lebron always tries to assume the role of ambassador of the NBA, as though he is the gatekeeper of all things NBA and of NBA history, but he gets ahead of himself. Let’s talk about the great wearer of number 6 for a minute. Unlike Lebron, Bill Russell only received 1 basketball scholarship when he graduated from college. MJ attend UNC and Lebron could have gone anywhere he wanted. Bill Russell was met with hostile crowds at his college games; Lebron had crowds of “witnesses” attending his high school games as they were televised on ESPN. Russell quieted his detractors winning an NBA title in his first season; James has yet to win a title and yet David Stern has handed him the keys to the kingdom on simply a down payment called potential. Russell was a part of the Civil Rights Movement – he participated in the March on Washington which happened well into his NBA career. Russell had to deal with racism and prejudice while living in Boston; his home graphitized and broken into on occasion. It was Bill Russell, along with Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Jim Brown, who defended Muhammad Ali when he requested a deferment from the Vietnam War draft. Russell was the NBA’s first Black head coach. If anyone seemed to blaze a trail for others to walk behind, it was Russell.

Now, MJ, in my opinion is the best player ever. I agree with Lebron there. But if MJ paved anyway for any athlete, he paved the way for athletes to make more money in endorsements than playing the actual sport they get paid to play. MJ paved the way for Kobe, Lebron, Derek Jeter, Dwayne Wade, Peyton Manning and every other athlete that makes money off of endorsements. When it came to issues of social justice, Jordan was quiet. While I wish he hadn’t been, it is his right to not speak on such issues. But Lebron needs to have a better recognition of history. While I appreciate the fact that he wants to reverence MJ, there are others who deserve the honor Lebron is seeking for Jordan. The only other league to retire a jersey number league-wide is MLB with Jackie Robinson…not simply because Robinson was a Hall of Famer, but because he was the first Black player to integrate the major leagues. I have no problem retiring MJ’s number league-wide, but let’s retire other deserving players like Russell first. Maybe Lebron should reconsider wearing number 6 before he’s ready to ditch number 23…oh, that’s right…he’s following the path of MJ, his idol (and another MJ Disciple – Kobe Bryant)…changing his number – which will sell more jerseys.

Michael Jordan was a great ball player. But he was even better at making money. Lebron is good at doing the same thing. Too bad there aren’t any more Russell’s for the kids to look up to.

On C. Breezy and Ri Ri

[This is a repost of a blog I orignally posted on Facebook in March. In honor of the Rihanna interview tonight on 20/20, I've decided to bring it back out to offer clarity on this who situation. Enjoy the blog that put me on the map. Please, excuse the vulgarity...fore I was passionate when writing.]

So I wanted to say a quick word about this Chris Brown and Rihanna mess. And I invite comments so please chime in with your thoughts; I’d love to hear them. Forget the fact that yesterday the Congress passed a bill with the largest dollar amount attached to it, no no; let’s talk about Chris Brown and his alleged situation with his fiancée – That is what a lot of people are thinking about. Me personally, I wanna know when I am getting that next stimulus check, for how much, and where else is the tax money going? And will there be regulations this time to make sure the banks lend money rather than keep it for themselves. But this Chris Brown thing warrants some attention. If for no other reason than because most of Brown’s adoring fans are in the 8 year old to 16 year old age bracket. And most of those fans are young women. What would you do or what would you say to your 12 year old daughter who loves Chris Brown and listens to his music? Would you let her continue to do so? Would you talk about this incident? We should pay it some mind here.

I am currently reading Tony Dungy’s new book, Uncommon, where he challenges young men, particularly young Black men to make smart decisions when they are young so that they don’t pay the price for poor decisions when they are older. He talks about integrity, honesty and self-worth. We’ve seen a lot of young men make poor decisions in the past couple of weeks, or admitted to doing so; Michael Phelps (Smoking weed in London at a party), Antonio Margarito (Stuffing plaster in his boxing glove), Alex Rodriguez (Taking steroids from 2001 to 2003), and now Brown. This is a time where we can teach kids that they need to make the right decisions in life. We can use this incidents to say to children and teenagers that they need to think before they act or speak. Because once we perform an action or say a word without thinking about the consequences of doing so, we’ll soon regret it.

Now, to focus on Brown, I am not much of a fan of Brown. I am not a hater, but I never cared for the guy. I mean, he was doing his thing and that’s great. I wished him nothing but success and I thought that he had a great career ahead of him. I didn’t think he really sung well, which was the only reason that a hookup with Rihanna made sense cause she can’t sing great either. But let me digress. There is a lot being said regarding what exactly transpired late Saturday night but regardless of what the facts were, Chris Brown was stupid on that night; point blank, period. I don’t care what he and girlfriend were arguing about…first let me start at the beginning of this thing, he aint have no reason being engaged to her to begin with. Come’ on; he’s too young and too rich…he aint staying with Rihanna – He got too many options. Chris Rock said it best when he said that “A man is as faithful as his options.” He was right. Chris Brown in a nice looking dude, no homo. So chicks want this guy, and he can sing, somewhat…and he can dance. Girls love a brotha that can dance. He got mad options and to strap himself with one chick wasn’t wise. I’m not trying to say that a steady relationship was a bad thing but let’s be real about this. That’s number 1. Number 2 is that even if the thing went down the way that they said…he got a text, she started spassing out and threw the keys to the Lamborghini out the window, all that action warrants is a “Bitch, are you crazy?” That’s all he should have said. Now ladies, you know that you can take a dude there with y’all mouth and whatnot, trying to test a brotha. It’s happened to me, like it has with other dudes, but the fact remains that Chris should have used greater restraint.

Here is what happened…They were at a party, Chris left the phone down, Rihanna looked through his phone and saw the text…she was quiet all night…He wanted to know what was wrong and she was like “don’t touch me, I’m fine,” he tried to save face so he initiated their departure from the party and they got into the car and here is how the rest of the conversation went (Let me apologize now on behalf of Chris and Rihanna for the vulgarity of the language):

CHRIS: Yo what is wrong with you?

RIHANNA: Who the fuck is this calling your phone?

CHRIS: Who?

RIHANNA: Nigga, Who is this bitch texting you?

CHRIS: What Bitch?

RIHANNA: This Bitch…..talking bout she’ll see you later, don’t fuck with me Nigga, you know what the fuck I am talking about

CHRIS: Yo you need to relax man, that was just some bullshit

RIHANNA: No the fuck it wasn’t, who the fuck is she?

CHRIS: Yo man calm the fuck down!

RIHANNA: Fuck you, don’t tell me to calm the fuck down, you trying to fuck another Bitch? What you was gonna get her in this Lamborghini huh? Is that what you rented this shit?

CHRIS: What the fuck was you doing looking at my phone anyway?

[Pause in the car]

CHRIS: And don’t worry bout why the fuck I rented the muthafucking car!

RIHANNA: Fuck you Chris. {Pause} You won’t be taking her out in this shit, oh no.

[At this time Rihanna takes the keys and throws them out the car. Now here is the critical moment where Chris makes the wrong decision. Here is the reaction that Chris probably gave]

CHRIS: Go get the keys

RIHANNA: No!

CHRIS: Bitch I said go get the got-damn keys {Chris grabs her and proceeds to do whatever he did to her}

[Rihanna’s crying right now. Chris chimes in with a final word before he leaves the car]

CHRIS: Bitch don’t you know I could really hurt you? You only weigh twenty pounds. And we aint even together right now. Fuck this, I’m outta here. You can have the damn car.

Now in the course of his anger, Chris could have punched, choked or did anything to girlfriend.  Then, he apparently leaves her in the car and goes about his business, probably pissed at himself and at her. for doing what he did to her. Personally, I wouldn’t be too shocked if Rihanna pulled a thin line between love and hate move and hurting herself to get a reaction from the cops and the fans. I mean, the media is putting a lot of misinformation out there. I don’t think anyone is actually sure of what really went down. Seasonjawea said it best when she told me that the publicist for RiRi and Breezy were doing an excellent job of keeping a lid on things. I agree. But now here is how I would have reacted…Lets take it back from Chris saying don’t worry bout why the fuck I rented the muthafucking car.

CHRIS: Don’t worry bout why the fuck I rented the muthafucking car!

RIHANNA: Fuck you Chris. {Pause} You won’t be taking her out in this shit, oh no.

[Here is what I would have done]

RAKEEM: Bitch, are you crazy? Why the fuck would you throw the keys outside the damn car? What the fuck are you thinking bout. {Pause} Get the fuck out the car then, you wanna act like that and throw out some keys, apparently, your ass wanna walk because the sound of keys starting an engine don’t appeal to you…so you can walk your skinny ass back to that party and I’ll talk to you when you got some sense.

Now see, that is how you handle that situation. No hands or violence…just real talk…Two key components here to my reaction:

1) The Question – Bitch are you crazy?

2) The Solution – Get the f&%$ out the car.

No careers would have ended; I would have dumped Rihanna, made a song about it and kept it moving. Here is what I would have been saying to myself once I was driving back to my hotel:

RAKEEM: My mom told me not to fuck with this girl, I don’t know why I didn’t listen…probably cause she don’t want me messing with no chick. But Daddy always told me to watch out for them Island girls…Should have listened.

I might have been without a girl, but only for a moment. There are plenty of other chicks on tour, and hell, he could have hollered at Lauren London or something. But Na, this dude went ahead and allegedly tried to really hurt her. And for what? A damn text? If your girl feels the need to check your phone to see who calling or texting you, that means 1 of 3 things: either she been cheated on one too many times, you look way better than her and she paranoid or you need to break up with her cause you still trying to play. Next time you hear about domestic violence, we won’t be thinking of Ike and Tina…rather RiRi and Chris Breezy.

So in closing, no matter what the story is, Brown’s career is in serious jeopardy. He lost endorsements, no more concerts for the time being and apparently Jay-Z is very upset with Young Breezy [That’s another story].

In the end, Chris Brown has made a terrible decision and over what? A text from a chick? Do I feel bad for him? Not really. The kid had the world at his feet. He was in movies, he took Usher’s spot, he could dance and he was rich. And it might be all gone. So no, I don’t feel bad for him. I got a job I don’t care for going to school at night so I can have some financial peace of mind in my 30’s and 40’s and this dude buying jewels at 19…no tears from me. But I will say this, I feel bad for the parents who have to explain his actions, and if nothing else, Brown should have to account for what he has done to the millions of young women who love him and his music. And he has steep hill to climb to make up from this fall from grace. Plain and simple, you gotta make the right choices, you must control your behavior and as a man, you can never let a woman make you mad enough to put your hands on her because you can put your hands on a woman…unless she got a gun and she aiming for your head….different story.

And let me also say this here, people need to stop expecting these young rich kids to be model citizens. On the one hand, yes, they should monitor their behavior, especially since they are in the spotlight and every move is scrutinized. But really, you give a 19 year old money and what do you think is gonna happen? It’s totally unfair to hold these kids (Brown, Phelps) to a higher standard because they are in the spotlight and folks admire them. You should hold all people their age to the same standard, no more, no less. If Chris Brown worked at a recreation center, with young girls and boys, society should hold him to just as high of a standard as they do now with his privilege and place in society and the world of entertainment. Same goes for Obama and any other “star.” Why should you criticize Obama more than me if we both cheated on our wives? Cause he’s the president and I only work at Rutgers? America is too consumed with its actors and entertainers. Too often we peek and point at their fuck-ups to feel better about our own mistakes in life. To shake your head at Brittney Spears for being a bad parent and yet you won’t even go to a PTA meeting. Something’s wrong with that. People more worried about this mother who had 8 kids on top of the six she already had, and they hardly worry about the one they got. All I am saying is that we need to use this incident not to point the finger at the actors and revel in their embarrassment and misery, but rather to teach our child how not to act and how to control one’s behaviors and emotions.

This morning, Seasonjawea said to me that Chris Brown was gonna be the next Bobby Brown cause of all this…I hope not…But unfortunately, I see the handwriting on the wall, The E-True Hollywood Story – When Celebrities Go Bad; such a shame.

On Voting

Black people…is it important that we vote?
I wrote something a few years back about why I think that it was important for us to vote. Of course with the 2008 Presidential Election, we all rallied behind then candidate Barack Obama and voted like I always knew we could vote. It was a beautiful sight. I woke up early and my mother and I stood in a long line. Looking at the man Black folk in that line, I knew it was gonna be a historic day.
But now, I just sit back and reflect. Amazingly, a year has changed my mind somewhat. I have a short term view and a long term view on voting, which is made more complex due to the historical implications surrounding the idea of voting. In the short term, I recognize that voting is important and essential regarding how we are represented, particularly on the local level. Long term, I am not sure how much voting actually does because there are powers that are controlling policies and institutions that we are all unaware of. So I am a bit torn.
What makes this all worse is the historical implications; how Black people fought and died for the right to participate in voting. I think that is what really pisses me of; the fact that Black folk fought hard to vote yet there are back door deals and powers that control how our country is ran and how the world is governed. It is straight depressing. You know, one of the main reasons that I voted for Obama was because he was the best qualified Black man for the job. I mean, White men since our country’s inception had had numerous chances to mess up the country, let’s give the Black man a chance to do the same. But I look at the way things have been happening and the decisions being made and all that, and I really believe that there really wouldn’t be too much difference in McCain and Obama regarding certain issues. Rush Limbaugh is running around mad calling for Obama’s head because he believes that Obama will end capitalism as we know it, but Obama is a Capitalist’s Capitalist. He and McCain would have signed that stimulus bill, he and McCain would have continued to talk tough while sliding the banks billions, the “war” on terror would still be a failure with our troops getting injured or hurt – Obama in Afghanistan or McCain in Iraq; essentially, both would do things the same, with a few differences. Both would have associations with private groups, such as the Bilderberg group. I mean, it is tough to believe when you see things through opened eyes.
And if you believe in prophecy, it’s hard to discount it. I, of course, believe in Christian prophecy. Nevertheless, it is a scary notion on what is to come. With all of that being said, looking at these Election Day races, particularly in New Jersey for Governor, I ask myself, does it really make a difference? I feel like our two party system is a joke. A politician would argue with me. At the end of the day, I believe that the system is a good one. What are screwed up are the people within the system. But our people fought hard and even died to vote…for screwed up politicians? I don’t think that they died for that. I don’t think that they died for the “democratic process” to be a mask for a greater structure of democracy that we are unaware of and have no participation in. Voting does make a difference and can change outcomes. I agree with that. But we cannot be blinded by the idea that vote changes everything. One thing that made Black America great is because we took matters into our own hands. We are a resourceful people. We know how to work within limitations and do more with less. If rent is due and you cannot convince the landlord to give an extension, you had a rent party. If you were denied care from the government, the Church stepped in and gave you the care and resources that you needed. We, as a people, must get back to that…organizing in a way that allows us to be independent and interdependent.
I am not Islamic, but I second Brother Malcolm’s assertion that the Nation of Islam had the potential to be the most powerful organization for Blacks due to its resourcefulness and interdependence. But greed and jealously minimized its importance within African America and in society. Greed and jealousy is an issue within any organization…and it is an issue within our nation’s political and economic structure. So what do we do? We organize anyhow and we vote anyhow. There are forces that are beyond our control, yet what matters more is how we treat one another. Voting is important, but the power of voting is not stronger than the power of a people who do for themselves. All voting can do is allow them either the opportunity to do more or re-evaluate to learn how to do more with less. We concentrate too much on having the option to do rather than focusing on the actual doing. Let’s reason to DO more. Don’t just vote today, take an active role in your community. Mentor a kid. Read to some children. Organize to provide kids a place to play ball. That work does more than casting a ballot ever could.
Voting sets the parameters of your work… but it is your hands actually do the work.

more about “On Voting“, posted with vodpod

 

Reflecting, Complaining or Rambling….How About All Three?

Normally, I have a lot to talk about regarding something that is on my mind.

Lately, there hasn’t been much on my mind to speak on. So, let me ramble a bit. So, I’ve been married for about 6 months in like 14 days. It’s been interesting. I’ve been at my current job for going on 3 years. It’s been interesting. And you know what I have noticed about myself…I’ve changed – in some ways for the better and other ways for the worse? I am not sure. Let’s just say that I engage in some activities and behaviors that I would have never thought I would do – not all necessarily bad. It’s just that I am different. I think a bit different. Many of my thoughts sound like I have children. I am starting to think like my parents. I am also a bit more conservative in my belief system, yet I am a bit more diplomatic when it comes to my relationships. I try not to judge people. I may disagree with them on many things and I might not do things as they would do them, yet I try not to judge and I love them no less.

I realize that I am a tough cat to deal with. My wife has to put up with a lot. My attitudes, my shortcomings, my ignorance, my stubbornness – she deals with all of that. And yet she loves me no less. I realize that I have very little tolerance and patience when it comes to the stuff that I want…it’s because I am an only child. I realize that I kiss ass at time. I hate it. I feel like the token Negro at work…I might as well say, “Yes sir massa sir.” But I learn that I am tough. Toughness isn’t necessarily that you can hold your liquor after 8 shots of Hennessy…which I can by the way. No, toughness is going to work every day when you don’t necessarily like what you’re doing because you know you need that paycheck. Toughness is sticking it out during the marriage. Toughness is maintaining your sanity when there is no more money after your bills are paid. I realize that I had it good when I lived at home. I realize that true freedom is life without responsibility. I learned that trusting God is the toughest thing that you can do in life. I realize now that there are things that I say and do that people will this agree with. Although I am an adult, I still have yet to learn how to not care what people think…because I still do. I still worry about what people think of me to a degree. It is because of issues with my parent’s acceptance of my choices…It is deep. I learned that we all have issues, but we all gotta man up regardless of the pain, yet that can be tough. I realize that I cannot give up in life because people do depend on me. And what is crazy is that I realize that I must enjoy these days of my youth…I’ll be 30 in like 3 years.

Life is just crazy, and what is so crazy is that this is my life. Not that I am upset at how things turned out, but you never know what life will be as you grow. And you know what else…People are F-ed up…I thought I’d throw that in there. But they are and particularly your family is the messed up ones. Man oh man. I also realize that there is so much knowledge out there about the realities of the world and how it works…I am not really sure that I want to know it all. Ignorance is really bliss. But it is all good. I am good, despite it all. It is just good that we reflect every now and then. Reflecting is a good thing. It is tough sometimes because you may question some of the moves you’ve made in life, but sometimes you have to reevaluate what is going on in your life. Reflecting helps you figure out what makes you tick. You begin to understand yourself more. And the more and more I reflect, I realize that I am easily annoyed. I think we all are. For us young people starting out, we hold it back because we have to use good judgment and keep cool. I think this is why old people just say what they want, because they’ve had to hold their peace for so long. I think that when I get old, Ima go to the grave sites of all those people who have pissed me off and just let them have it. I’ll feel better afterwards.

Ah well. In the meantime, I’ll continue to appreciate the little things…listening to Michael Baisden on the drive home from work, especially on Fridays; watching a good football game or basketball game on TV, spending time with family on holidays, laying in my bed or getting rubs from my wife. Those things are the best. And when life gets stressful or chaotic, I rely on those moments so that I do not lose my mind. Okay…I am done rambling. Soon, I’ll offer an essay with more directed substance.

Beanie Sigel v. Jay-Z…Who Woulda Thought

Fellas, remember that, “Who is the best rapper” conversation in high school?
I never thought Jay-Z would be left standing after all of the many rappers that surround the soundtrack of high school. But I must admit, Jay-Z’s songs, many of them, are included in the soundtrack of High School…1997-2001…the years prior to Jay-Z assent to the heights of untouchable-ness. Before the Blueprints 1, 2 and 3, American Gangster, Kingdom Come and the Black Album, there was Vols. 1, 2 and 3, Reasonable Doubt and the Dynasty, Roc-La-Familia – some of y’all remember this.
Before Kanye West and Rihanna…before State Property, there was Memphis Bleek, Amil and Beanie Sigel. But then, something happened…Rocafella was no more. Jay-Z and Dame Dash went their separate ways, amidst rumors that Dame was taking money that wasn’t his to fund his private ventures; satisfying his hunger to be a mogul like Puff and eventually Jay-Z. Dame allegedly took money, then he signed Cam’ron and made him an executive on the label and there was always tough feelings between Jay-Z and Cam; Kanye was left to chose sides and the rest of the heads on the label were dropped. Now, all of a sudden, from the depths of various prison sentences, Sigel has returned to drop a new album and clear the air. He’s released a new song coming at Jay and asking WTH???
Now, this could be publicity for Sigel’s new album. It could be real talk. Nevertheless, Sigel is talking and last Friday, he spilled the beans, no pun intended, about his relationship with Jay-Z. Here is a quote from Beans said to 100.3 The Beat’s Charlamange:
“Jay in another place and I understand that. He did what he did as far as signing people to Roc-A-Fella Records, you did that. But as far as the push that people coulda got that really could have did things, you didn’t do that. If you look at 50 Cent – no disrespect to the G-Unit, cause I love the way 50 Cent did with his dogs – but if you look at it, them dudes got more money and more bread than anybody in State Property. Because 50 made sure of that. 50 took his people on tour and paid them, not tell them it was a good look for them to be on tour.”
Here is what Sigel said about Dame regarding the clothing and label:
“The clothing line and all that came about cause [Jay's partner] Dame [Dash] did that. Dame gave me the clothing line. I got the Pro-Keds thing that came from a situation that I did, but then Dame back doored the sneak and gets with the licensee guy who licenses Rocawear and buys the license out the Pro-Keds, without me knowing it,” Sigel said. “So now I am not getting 50 % profit that I would be getting off every Pro-Ked sneaker sold with the SP logo on it like the original deal was… As a team player, why just wear the Pro-Keds when I can cross-market it and have my own sneaker? Then Dame stopped making Pro-Keds with the SP symbol on it.”
Here was Jay-Z’s response:
“Beanie Sigel, to be honest and you can look it up, just to be honest…was driving two Bentleys. I don’t know how,” Jay-Z said. “It’s impossible to drive two cars at the same time. With his momma in the sticks, selling 800,000. I don’t know what more you can do for somebody…What people choose to do when they obtain that type of success, at some point you gotta look in the mirror and look at yourself,” Jay continued. “Beanie Sigel had a record deal, a record label and a clothing line…and never went platinum. Ever. I don’t know in the history of rap has anyone done so much with so little. So, I don’t know what more can you do for a person at that point. A record deal – that’s normal. A record label and a clothing line. If that’s not pushing the person…s**t.”
Not to meditate on this too much, but I do have some thoughts about this. First, I wanna come at Sigel. I don’t care what anyone says dude, you gotta grow up. You are damn near forty trying to play the hood. You cannot do that. Are you gonna listen to anyone just cause they tell you that they got you and so you can keep living a lifestyle that will ultimately lead to your ruin? Jay-Z is right…you at least had one Bentley…It was brown and rusty looking. I seen it at the Loews in Cherry Hill one night I was at the movies and you was with your girl. But dude, you gotta grow up. You kept getting arrested and you know what, if I was Jay, and I was separating myself from cats because I was changing my social circles and growing in a number of ways, I’d stay away from you too, period.
Now to Jay…I can believe Sigel. I think that Sigel is more ignorant than dumb and I can believe that you took advantage of that. The fact of the matter is that you are like Michael Jordan; greatest player in the game, horrible President and General Manager. You are a mogul and like Puff, you was screwing your crew…I can see it. In the most appropriate words of Jadakiss from We Are the Streets, “You the first one talking that family s**t, but when it come to money, you don’t give the family s**t.” Let’s be real, the only real successes from the Rocafella Label were Kanye West, because he was too talented to fail, and Cam’ron, because he, Jimmy and Juelz got their own deal and were nasty without backing from the Roc. All Rocafella did was get their name out there. You would put out a hot single with your artist and fail to follow it up with a studio production. The biggest mistake of your career Jay-Z, was failing to release Freeway’s album during “Roctober” when “What We Do” was released. That song was a banger, and you waited until February and released Freeway’s album the same day as the highly anticipated “Get Rich or Die Trying.” Freeway didn’t have a chance. And, after you dropped Amil and put Bleek on the sidelines, Sigel gave you the rest of the Roc…State Property. Then came Dipset but that was Dame’s credit. But something happened…after release of the Blueprint, you blew up and you were in the spot to drop the entire label.
Let this story be proof that the industry is shady at best and everyone that says that they are your friend is not your friend. Green is the only thing that matters in the business. Green is the only thing that matters to a lot of people in any industry, at most times. Simply put, you gotta be smart. You gotta use your head and although most cats aren’t out to get at your neck, you gotta be sure to think. Regardless of who is right and who is wrong in this case, many of the choices and decisions made by both parties were screwed up.

more about “Sigel v. Jay“, posted with vodpod

 

From Swagga to Switching

Who is just the least desirable woman you can think of?

Let’s use Aretha Franklin…Yes, the Queen of Soul. Picture her…not 20 year old Aretha…Na, the Aretha in this picture…look at her. Look. Now, imagine her in a thong and wife beater…Meditate on that mental picture…Yeah. Not pretty. It just doesn’t look right does it? Yeah, well neither does a man walking around with a mini skirt on – please excuse me because I am about to get vulgar…that shit is ridiculous. Okay, I’m done cursing. But my point is that a man in a mini skirt and blouse looks ridiculous, strange and unsettling, just like Aretha in that wife beater and thong. I don’t care if you are homosexual or not, it is not right, it makes no sense and it is just crazy. Take my religious views out of it…it still makes no sense.

Now, I am saying all of this because Morehouse College, the coliseum of HBCU’s, will be instituting a dress code. Why? Well, apparently some folks aren’t dressing like the status quo. Now I didn’t put this on the front page today because this story is too important of a dialogue setter to just report it. I had to talk about it. 

Hear me now, Morehouse College, an ALL MALE school, has banned the wearing of women’s clothes, makeup, high heels and purses as part of a new crackdown on what the institution calls inappropriate attire. Okay, so, the College had to do this why? Here is the quote from Dr. William Bynum, Vice President for Student Services, taken from CNN.com:

“We are talking about five students who are living a gay lifestyle that is leading them to dress a way we do not expect in Morehouse men,”

The common sense thing that comes to my mind is, punish the 5 people dressing like this. But, you cannot do that because then it becomes a problem of prejudice and discrimination and then your objective, whatever it may be, will fail. So, the college decided to create a dress code for all—what else is the impetus is that other students walk around with pants hanging off their behind, du-rags and pajamas. And I know those Negroes look just as the administration claims…and I know because many a day, I walked up to Rutgers with a du-rag on my head. And no, I didn’t wear pajamas to class…but that is only because I don’t like pajamas anyway. But if I did and if I lived in the dorm, it would have went down. With all of that said, the administration is setting this new dress code. The students are, well, upset. They’re saying that this new rule is infringing on their ability to express themselves…the student in me agrees but the soon to be parent in me says F-your expression, you’re there to go to school, not express yourself; sense the internal tension.

Now I can be quite intellectual about this whole situation and I will, but briefly. Then I will follow that up with the common sense approach. First the intellectual approach. This is an attempt by the old guard to protect the reputation and history they’ve established over the years from the younger generation and their ignorance. This is why Bill Cosby is running around so pissed off. Because old Negroes marched, and cried, and got whipped, and kissed the White Man’s behind at times, to get the ounce of freedom they’ve gotten. Do you understand how many “Yes Sirs” it took for Bill Cosby to get a chance to do stand up comedy? So when cats like me were born, we received the fruits of their labor, and there is something to be said about their labor and struggles. These are the folks who cried when Obama won the election. We respect the old guard; we respect the NAACP and all those who fought. And for every traditionalist, there is an extreme opposite; Dr. King and Brother Malcolm, DuBois and Booker T., the NAACP and the Black Panthers. Yet all of these folks make up the old guard and they all agree that the newer generations of Blacks are dangerous because they have no direction. Yet they must understand the impact that institutionalized racism in the form of public policy and socioeconomics has had on younger African Americans. The breakdown of the Black family, the lack of employment in our urban centers—White flight and the concentration of poverty…this is the culture that births many of the new generation of Blacks. And it is many in the old guard that has abandoned their responsibilities to uplift. How can the ghetto rise above if those who can help folk choose not to help? Historical issues, hurts and problems impact who we become and if the Black community expects to create rules without a relationship as the solution to winning the lost, they will lose the war.

Now, the common sense portion of this editorial…when are we going to have more respect for ourselves? Why the hell are you a dude walking around in a skirt? Why the hell are you walking around with pants hanging off your ass? That is not cute. Do you think that you are getting a job looking crazy? The fact of the matter is, this country is controlled by the dominant culture—White people. Do you think that anyone, White, Black or whoever, takes you seriously when you wear draws to class? And I know, not everyone is looking crazy, but really, half of the students look crazy. I know because I went to college in cold weather and I know how these people dress. Hell, I looked crazy some days. But really, we do need to have some more respect for ourselves when we are in situations like a college classroom the same way we would if we were going on a job interview. Think, your professor has professional networks that can set you up…but looking crazy, and Ima be honest, I wouldn’t think about giving anyone a job if they looked crazy when I first met them, especially if they wore a dress and they were a man. Yeah, you cannot judge a book by its cover, but when if I had a choice I want the 745 and not the Ford Taurus and it’s not because they both are automatic transmission. A person’s image important and a first impression is everything. And I don’t care if you are homosexual…if you cross dress, please, do it on your own time. You can’t do it a work and you shouldn’t be allowed to do it at school.

And while I am at it, let me make myself clear on here about homosexuality…Gay rights and civil rights for Blacks are not the same thing, in terms of the struggle. You cannot I think that a person should be allowed to whatever they want to do, so long that it does not infringe on my rights and responsibilities. So if a man chooses to be gay, so be it. It doesn’t bother me at all that someone wants to be homosexual. Although I disagree with the lifestyle, I am not gonna tackle that problem. But what I am saying is this…you cannot compare 400 years of slavery, 70 years of Jim Crow and institutionalized racist policies and traditions that impact Blacks to this day; you cannot compare discrimination against homosexuals to that against Black people and say that is impetus for Blacks to support you in your fight…Being Black is not a lifestyle, being homosexual is.

At the end of the day, although I feel students who are being punished for the sins of others, I agree that Morehouse has to protect its mission, its values and its traditions. As a man, I set the rules for my house. My rules are meant to protect what is important to me as well as protect my way of life. Anyone who doesn’t like my rules can go live somewhere else. Morehouse has set the rules for their house.

Setting the Tone

Human beings are beings of relationship.

Whether they are positive or negative; familial, sexual, or platonic; we are relationship beings. We thrive on the relationships that we have. They can contribute to our success as people or to our failure as people. So what happens when a once positive relationship turns negative? The answer is easy…simple either end the relationship or try to rectify it. Having said all of that, there is a difficulty in completing either choice when there are feelings involved.

Many will think that what I am about to say is sexist…on both ends. Some will think that I am male bashing. Others will think that I think women aren’t capable of handling various situations. I don’t care. Why, because what I am about to say is true. Men set the tone for all relationships…women are reactionary. What do I mean? Let’s start with men. Fellas, we set the tone. When we talk with each other, if another dude has an attitude, you don’t care. You simply resolve that he has a problem and he need not let his attitude mess with your good time. If you’re around the guys and everyone is cool, it enhances the time, but at the end of the day, you are going to do you regardless. That is just how we are. But guys, have you ever noticed that if you are around women, you can either make the mood positive, negative or not impact it at all? I believe that is because God gave man the ability to change a mood; the ability to set the agenda. Now, to the ladies, when you guys are together, whatever mood you are in, that is your mood for a period of time and nothing can change that…if you are upset and sad, your girlfriends can try to change your mood, but it usually doesn’t work. When you’re happy, there is not hate from any woman that can distract you from your happiness. But when confronted by a man, the mood can go from bad to worse or from bad to good. It is not that woman cannot control their emotions; women just aren’t wired the same way men are. God’s gift to women is the ability to sustain a mood for a long period of time. If a man is pissed off, a woman can prolong that anger as long as she sees fit. If a man is happy, her actions can make his happiness seem like an orgasm. If a man is indifferent, a woman has the ability to change the indifference to an emotion, thus sparking him to change the agenda.

Now let me be clear, there are exceptions to this rule and, the rule doesn’t apply in the same way to a relationship that is new as it does a relationship that has some duration to it. And I am not simply talking about romantic relationships. I am specifically talking about any relationship between a man and a woman; father-daughter, employer-employee; husband-wife to name a few. You might think what about a mother and her son…I didn’t mention ultimately, the father sets the agenda of that relationship—so a father will not tolerate any disrespect from any male towards his female, even his male son. Thus, because the ruler of that agenda has created an importance for “his” woman, the wife/mom is respected. Don’t get respect twisted with love folks. The maternal relationship produces love automatically, but not respect. With maturity comes understanding which leads to respect, yet the man will engineer a respect for the wife/mother even though the son doesn’t quite understand why he is to respect her…he simply does. So the man sets the tone. What does it all mean? It doesn’t mean that women do not set agendas or have “power” or anything like that. This discussion has nothing to do with power. What it has to do with is God’s design of the man and the woman—that design is why many households, relationships and lives are in complete disarray.

There are a lot of women who are in pain. There are a lot of men in pain. There are a lot of connections and relationships that have been established amidst painful histories. Men are at fault for not changing the agenda of their conversation and attention. We think of women as the foundation of our families. That is true. But if women are the anchor that holds down a family when necessary, the man is the captain of the ship who leads it to its destination. But when a man abandons his post or he’s going the wrong way or he doesn’t know where he’s going, that ship is headed nowhere or even worse, it is sinking. Here is what I am saying, Like Tyler Perry said, I can do bad all by myself…so, a woman will take her chances on her own. And as we are seeing, women are holding it down for themselves. They are both the anchor and captain. But isn’t it always easier to have one job instead of two? To be both captain and anchor is taxing and stressful, not that women don’t do it well. So when a woman reasons that she is going to commit herself to a relationship with a man, she expects that man to be the man she needs in her life. In the case of a daughter and a father, her love for him is immediate. So when he decides not to be the man he needs her to be, she is hurt and how can she trust another man to not abandon her as her father did? How can a woman continue to interact with a man who made an agreement (marriage) to devote himself to her when he continues to do the opposite?

I feel like I am rambling here, but the point that I am trying to make is that men have the special ability to change the agenda and when he changes the agenda in his relationships with his woman, his children, his friends, family and with himself; changing the agenda for the better, things are gonna change. Things are going to balance themselves out, and although things may not get better immediately or at all, resolution will enable all persons involved in that relationship to live their lives as healthy as possible. Men, we have the power to empower those whom we care about. I am not perfect and I do not speak as the moral authority here, but I challenge you all as I challenge myself to think differently when it comes to my relationships. I have said and done some things that I am not proud of. And now I try to be mindful that with my wife and with my other relationships, that I set the tone. Men, when we fail to set a positive tone, we’ve failed to liberate lives and create the conditions for healthy growth.